World Cup 2014 according to Travellin Bob

Well, it was a good World Cup in the end.

Before the start, for months, there had been mass demonstrations by Brazilians who were (and I’m sure remain) decidedly pissed off that their Government chose to spend billions of dollars on infrastructure projects like new stadia in towns (like the capital Brazilia and Manaus) that don’t even boast a top flight team in the Brazilian leagues……stadia that will probably lapse into crumbling disuse by this time next year.  Roads were built – or at least started - , railways and airports upgraded, though often not completed.  Favelas, the slum cities where millions of Brazilians still live in squalor, were cleared by armed riot police, often without providing adequate replacement housing, and given a lick of paint to make them look a bit nicer to tourists.

Key things, at least to the population at large, like education and health care and state benefits, of course lost out in the cash stakes to this massive FIFA demanded splurge.  So I guess people had every right to be pissed off and complain, even though at times it did all get a little bit more violent than was strictly necessary (although much of the blame for that seems to lie in the usual heavy handed policing – at which Brazil is seemingly no different to anywhere else, including the Met Police and NYPD amongst others).

So there was massive doom and gloom before it all kicked off, and predictions (mine included) that it was all going to be a bit of a shambles.  TV crews, in the days before the opening ceremony, were busily shooting film of rickety temporary stands and entrance stairways at stadia throughout the country that did indeed look a danger to life and limb, and many pundits expected a tragedy or two in waiting.  Happily, it all turned out to be largely misplaced, with the only accident I can recall happening in Belo Horizonte where a new road bridge collapsed with a few fatalities.  The bridge was about 3km from the sparkling new stadium there, and on a new road linking it with the airport, so the link to the World Cup is clear.  

I can’t recall a single incidence of crowd trouble throughout the tournament, no fan fights, no riots, no nothing.  Indeed the atmosphere at every game I saw seemed electric, a wash of colour (largely Brazilian gold and green liberally mixed with national team colours) and singing and drums and brass bands – everything indeed that makes the World Cup such a wonderful spectacle.  I missed both the opening and closing ceremonies, but I gather J-Lo and Shakira shook their booties rather well, and of course Shakira can boast a longer involvement in the tournament than her other half.  She also became the first artiste to perform at three successive World Cups apparently – clearly good ole Sepp Blatter must be a big fan.

And what of the football?

I didn’t see a lot of the matches.  Despite being in a time zone close to Brazil’s the match scheduling often meant I missed the early game and a good half of the middle match as I was at work.  Later on, once the group stages were out of the way, the situation got even worse.   This was not always a bad thing – it meant I didn’t have to suffer the torture of England v Costa Rica.  But what I saw of it was excellent I thought. 

There was thuggery, as usual – the Uruguayan bloke who for no reason – apart from his team losing at the time - kicked Joel Campbell of Costa Rica up in the air, swore at him while he was on the ground then marched off without waiting for the obvious red card being probably the best example.  And of course Suarez taking a chomp at Chielini was unbelievable.  The ban he’s been given is about right, and at least Liverpool did the decent thing and packed the bucktoothed bastard off to Barca as soon as the right money was offered.  Frankly, the Catalans are quite welcome to the poisonous little shit (brilliant footballer though he undoubtedly is).

There was some great goalkeeping.  The Mexican guy, Ochoa. may have looked a bit of a wuss what with the hairband, but dragged his team out of the group and close to an unlikely victory against Brazil by his superb keeping.  Neuer was also superb for Germany, playing in the modern sweeper-keeper role and just about deserved his Golden Glove Award.  Honourable mention too for Tim Howard, USA’s finest.  His Tourette’s Syndrome has given rise to the best chant in the Premier League in my opinion: “Tim Timminy, Tim Timminy, Tim Tim terroo, he’s got Tourettes and he says fuck you”.  And what of Joe “Head ‘n’ Shoulders” Hart?  Well, if he is England’s best then we really are in trouble.  I would blame him directly for Italy’s winner – why on earth he didn’t come to collect a routine cross into his six yard box I’ll never understand (my old team manager would have subbed me straight away for that, even in the Tonbridge League Division 2) and he never looked confident.  Woy rightly left him out in the dead match against Costa Rica, but played 30 year old injury prone Ben Foster instead of 23 year old Frazer Forster, who has shone for Celtic in the Champions League several times.  The kid deserved a chance and surely is a better future prospect than Foster (or for that matter Ruddy, Stockdale, Butland or arguably Hart himself).

There were great goals.  Rodriguez’ volley for Colombia was a thing of beauty, as was Tim Cahill’s for the Aussies, but I still love RvP’s header against Spain…….a perfect cross and the sort of dive rarely seen since Andy Grey retired twenty years ago.  Quite stunning.

And there were shocks too.  England were never expected to get out of the group (except by me, of course – I thought we had enough to beat Uruguay and Costa Rica) but nobody saw Spain getting hammered by Holland and failing to get out of the group.  Even England lasted a couple of days longer, although that was down to match scheduling not ability – we were equally piss-poor.  Likewise Italy going out at the group stage raised eyebrows.  But the biggest surprise for me was Brazil.  They were almost universally acclaimed as winners before a ball had been kicked, but turned out to be pretty awful.  Their capitulation against Germany in the semis was the stuff of dreams.  Germany are good, no doubt, but 7-1 was an embarrassment – pub team defending and a coach who clearly hadn’t a clue what to do to change anything.  They weren’t much better against Holland in the Third Place Play Off either – 10 goals conceded over two successive matches is the stuff of park teams not five time world champions.  At least we English can make the excuse that our football needs as much of an overhaul as Brazil's and (arguably) Spain’s.

The right team won in the end, of course.  Germany were a step ahead of everybody else.  The best goalkeeper.  Best defenders.  A midfield to crave.  And strikers in Muller and Klose who know where the goal is. And a team ethic that everyone else should aim for.  I can see them ruling the roost for the next ten years, no matter what Spain do to rebuild themselves.  Argentina were solid enough, but as usual Leo Messi (how on earth did he get Best Player?) was a disappointment and Aguero seemed to be carrying an injury.  Holland were entertaining with some great displays and a very un-Dutch camaraderie – I look forward to seeing how van Gaal does at Man U next season.  But Arjen Robben gets a bigger embarrassment every time I see him play.  He seems incapable of running past another player without falling arse-over-tit, contact or no contact.  He’s always been a diver, but a season playing for the Blessed Pep has made him even worse.  Frankly, they are too horrible bald old gits who deserve each other.

So now we look forward to Russia in 2018.  Oh, what fun that will be!  And then – Qatar 2022….unless of course Blatter retires or dies, bribery and corruption are then proved and the tournament taken away from them (the same could be said of Russia’s tournament).

I’m not holding my breath.

Oh, and a final thought.  On the BBC News this morning, I watched the Germans arriving home, to be presented to half a million delirious fans at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin.  There was the most wonderful atmosphere there as the players danced and sang along with the fans, signed autographs, kicked balls into the crowd and generally had an absolute blast.  I thought I hope our vanquished England failures are watching this, and feeling very envious and determined to do everything to improve and maybe one day do something similar, before I die.  Then I saw in the Mail Online some pictures of Joe Hart, James Milner, Jack Wilshere and others, pissing about in a pool in Las Vegas with champagne and cigars and scantily clad beauties with pneumatic tits, without a care in the world.  The Champions League Qualifiers kicking off.  Pre-season tours and friendlies started.

And I thought, nah.  No chance. 

English football?  You’re ‘avin’ a laugh.