Civil Servants, eh?

Mark Twain was a cracking writer and a very clever and funny guy.  Among other very wise statements attributed to him is "There are only two certainties in life - Death and Taxes."

Were he alive today he could add a third:  "Civil Servants the world over are numpties."

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Example:  When I made my first trip abroad (ignoring the day trips to Calais; we didn't need passports for them, group passes were issued to the school that covered us all), I needed a passport.  I went to my local Post Office, filled in a form, passed it across the counter with a fiver and a couple of photos from the local Photo-Me booth from Platform 2 Cannon Street, and 10 minutes later was handed a 1 year passport.  Valid anywhere (except probably Russia and any other Communist states).  Certainly it was good for all of Europe and the British Commonwealth....so in those days a good bit of the world at large.  Five quid!!!! 

Fast forward 30 odd years.  I've just renewed my 10 year one (it was nearly full).  Living in Warsaw I went to the local British Embassy - this was in May - to do the job.  It seems that from February this year, "in order to save costs" I'm told, all UK passports issued to British citizens living in Europe (but outside the UK itself) are issued by a centralized department located in Dusseldorf.  I had to fill in additional forms, and pre-pay the DHL costs for both sending the documents to Germany and returning the new passport to me in Warsaw, in an envelope I also had to buy.  My total outlay: one hundred and fifty quid, give or take.  Oh, and it took just over a week to get the new one (it arrived the day before I was due to travel).  I had to perform a similar thing to get UK passports for my Polish born kids, who are entitled to dual citizenship.

Why does this make Civil Servants numpties?  Well, for a start I couldn't find anything on the Foreign Office website (maintained by Civil Servants employed at the FO) advising of this change in procedure.....and I checked both the London one and the local one.  And I assume that the idea for this cost saving exercise came from a Civil Servant somewhere.  And if real cost savings were looked for I would have thought creating a nice new centralized Europe-wide beaurocracy (I can NEVER spell that bloody word!!!!) in an expensive country like Germany (even if in a relatively cheap city......no offence meant to Dusseldorf, but I would guess prices are lower there than say Frankfurt or Berlin....) was not the best idea.  What about Bratislava?  Lublin? Alicante?  There must be many places across Europe that would provide a cheaper alternative than Germany!

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Another example.  When you arrive at JFK Terminal 4, you get off the plane and walk into this massive Arrivals Hall (not much different to Arrivals Halls anywhere else of course) and join the line that says "Visitors".   This line is invariably three times the length of that for US citizens.....as it needs to be, since Yanks never leave home unless they're in the Armed Forces going to change a regime somewhere, or wealthy investment bankers going to change a regime somewhere.....  Anyway, you join the line - make sure you visit the Restroom first (WHY do they call it the Restroom?  It's a bog!) because you could be in the queue for an hour or more - and every so often shuffle forward a few paces.  Eventually you get to the front of the line where a very nice man from Homeland Security tells you to join the line at Desk Number 34 (or whatever).  You join the line.  Eventually, you get to the front, step briskly up to the counter......and the Civil Servant from Homeland Security says, loud enough for the whole room to hear, "Step back SIR, I never called you forward."  And fixes you with this fish eyed glare....you just know she's got an itchy trigger finger and probably PMT.  So you step back in line, muttering under your breath and trying not to look shifty in case you're mistaken for an Islamic fundamentalist in disguise and shot.  Then our welcoming Homeland Security lady wanders off......to the Restroom.  Eventually, she comes back, settles in her seat, sticks in fresh gum, and peremptorily waves you forward.  You give her the forms and your passport.  She thumbs through the passport.  "Where is your visa SIR?"   You smile.  "I'm travelling under the ESTA visa waiver program."  She glares at you, sighs, shakes her head, and throws the forms and passport back at you.  "This is the wrong form SIR.  You need the green one".  "They gave me this one on the plane."  "Not my problem, SIR.  Go get a green one".  You sigh.  "Where from?"  "The entrance.  Move along SIR, you're holding up the line...."

I kid you not......I've been through JFK twice this year, same thing happened both times.

Again, why does this make Civil Servants numpties?  First, the attitude of the harridan at Desk 34 (or whatever)...she may be employed by Homeland Security, wear a smart uniform and tote a gun on her expansive hip, but she's still a bloody Civil Servant!  Second, why the hell do you need different colour forms?  The questions on both were the same......why not use a standard form and make question 1 "ESTA Visa Yes or No?"  Because some idiot Civil Servant thought it would be a cool idea to use two forms, probably to give his wife's sister's husband Julio from Puerto Rico a bigger order at the printers.

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Final example.  I get my work permit approved and issued by the local Ministry of Labour.  So I go to the local Immigration Office, take a ticket (number 84 today) and sit down.  After half an hour (pretty quick really), I'm called to the front desk.  I explain I want a visa extension as I've now got my work permit.  The girl gives me a form, I fill it in, she looks at it, stamps it then on the back writes "Appointment xxxxxx at 7:00"  Two weeks ahead.  By then my visitors visa will have expired and technically I'll be in the country illegally, but still......it's the way it works.  On the appointed day, I get up at the crack of dawn (almost literally - days keep funny hours in the Tropics) and get a cab to Immigration.  I arrive at 7:05.  The room is full.  My number is 73.  I sit down and read my book.   An hour later my name is called.  I go with the girl to the interview room.  I give her my appointment card, my work permit, and all our passports (since my wife and kids' visas need extending to match mine).  She looks through it all.  "Do you have your photocopies?" I frown.  "Excuse me?"  She smiles sweetly.  "I'll write you list."  I need 4 copies of my work permit, three copies of our return airline tickets, copies of the photo pages of each passport, plus the pages with the local entry stamps.  And eight hundred bucks in fees.  "Does your son have a student permit?"  I frown again.  "He's four years old, going to kindergarten from tomorrow.  He's not really a student."  Again the sweet smile.  "He still needs a permit."   It took me all morning to gather the required documents and cash, but eventually the same girl processed it all and we're now legally on the island.
And the link to numptyism?  First, website maintenance.  I've double-checked it and nowhere on either the FO website or the local govenment Immigration site can I find any list of required documents, photo copies or otherwise (in fact the local site doesn't contain much information at all apart from the address and phone number of the offices).  Civil servants are responsible for the design and upkeep of their information sources, aren't they?  Unless it's outsourced....but then again a civil servant somewhere must have sign off for what's deployed.

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OK, maybe I'm being a little harsh and picking extreme examples.  But check out any newspaper, local or national, and you will regularly find similar stories.   In the UK, DHSS or JobCentres (or whatever they call them nowadays) are everywhere.  I and millions of others have waited in line for hours to get our UB40s signed so that we can get the next bit of government hand out....but I've never met anyone, anywhere, anytime, who has actually got a job through one of these places.....whatever government press releases written by (yep....) Civil Servants might say, they are NOT JobCentres.   Friends of mine tell similar tales from the US equivalent.  In any country across Europe, whenever there is anger and agitation against whichever government happens to be in power - think Greece and France right now, with their badly needed austerity measures, or historically the British Winter of Discontent that brought down Jim Callaghan's Labour government and ushered in Thatcherism  - the protest leaders were and are the Civil Service unions in their various guises.

And yet, in my youth, getting in the Civil Service was seen as a career to be proud of.  Job for life.  Serving your country (usually without being shot at, unless you were with the foreign office and manning an Embassy in some hot-spot or other).  Decent money.  More holidays.  Work not too demanding.  Hardly any overtime.  And if you stuck at it for more than 20 years an OBE....maybe even a knighthood.  Happy days.

So where did it all go wrong?

I'm buggered if I know.